| new beginnings. |
[14 Mar 2008|02:09pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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A lot has gone on lately.
I've lost a few friends lately to drugs... those that got so pulled in that they began to steal and lie... I don't care to get mixed up in that immature, selfish bullshit.
I've gained a few friends, and made some friendships stronger. I've been spending nearly every evening over at Jackie & Paul's, playing video games with them and Nick... started hanging out with Monica again, been talking to Phil more (still miss him).
Boys. I don't even know anymore lol. As the crazy chick on the radio said yesterday, "They're all bi-polar!!!!" I practically lost my mind with Joe... and then found out some interesting dirt last night, that kind of just gave me further reason to stop trying with him. I've been talking to this other guy lately... I've known him awhile, but just recently became better acquainted. I really want to spend more time with him... has one of those captivating personalities, I guess. :P
On a lighter note, I got a new puppy!
Got her from Jen on Sunday... about 9 week old black lab named Mya.
Tooootal sweetheart. Jackie and I took her to Royal Oak yesterday and she behaved soooo well!
Tomorrow is our St Patty's Day party.... I'm soooo ready to rage.
Back to puppy-care. <3
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| do it.....please. |
[10 Jan 2005|07:43pm] |
What Would You do if...
I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:
What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Mannerisms:
Family:
Friends:
Decisions:
Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and help me with my problems:
Love me:
Have Sex with me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
Date me:
Rape me:
Beat me up:
COMMENT PLEASE!?
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| posting here, as well...just 'cause |
[09 Jan 2005|12:03am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Liquid Tension Experiment :: Another Dimension |
] |
So, wow. tonight was........eventful.
Leaving work, I called Bobby. I picked him up, and his friends followed us to Thunderbird. Got to Thunderbird...no open bowling. Left. Bobby's friends followed us to Troy Lanes. No lanes open until 11:30. Bobby left with his friends to go do something. So I called Amol. No answer. He calls back. I wind my way through his subdivision to his driveway. Sat and talked until his daddy tells him to come inside because "it's cold". It was not cold at all. I got in my car as Niles was callign. "I'm at Astro Lanes...Davena ditched us...Troy is here...Julien is here, he doesn't know anyone. Lorrin blah blah blah" Don't remember everything. Call mom for permission. Jump on I-75. Arrive at AstroLanes. Niles calls again as I'm getting out of my car. "We're leaving, sorry". I come inside anyways. Stand talking to Niles and Julien for a bit. Niles walks out with Heather and that other chick. Troy walks right past me. I tap his shoulder, say hello, hug, blah, good-bye. Julien and I wander outside. Niles is standing there with Heather and that girl. We stood there for awhile. Decided to meet at Krispy Kreme. Julien and I drive there, blasting LTE. Get there. Niles and them don't show. Leave. Mom calls "where are you". I'm way late. "I'm...stuck. Almost out of gas, looking for a gas station, trying to get Julien home" Mom says "that's okay, just get home as soon as possible" Stop at the gas station. Not paying attention to the pump. Almost put in more than I had the $$ for. Left. Julien gave me semi-drum lessons at the corner while this weird cop stared at us through my open window. Long talk with Julien about friends and such. 'Twas nice. Dropped Julien at home. Got home. Am here.
all of that in exactly TWO hours!!!!!!
hot damn.
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| heck yes... |
[07 Jan 2005|06:59pm] |
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mood |
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 giggly |
] |
this entry is 100% for mr. ryan manier. BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!
and he's cool
( click here, sir. )
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| a creative writing assignment |
[06 Jan 2005|09:50pm] |
Saw her laying there.
Saw her rosy cheeks.
Saw her crimson lips.
Saw her eyes closed for eternity.
Saw a face that hadn't been so beautiful in years.
Flowers.
Black dresses.
Somber expressions.
Saw the minister take his place.
saw her one and only love.
Saw his hands holding up his head
and his heart.
Saw their child comfort him.
Saw their child hold his hand.
Saw her child speak softly to her trembling daddy.
Both choking back tears.
There would be no more yelling.
No more hugs.
No more I Love You's.
Saw the minister step down.
Saw people hug my cousins and uncle.
Saw them give their condolences.
Saw the room slowly empty.
Guestbook filled.
Chairs abandoned.
One last look before the doors close.
Saw her laying there.
Saw her eyes closed for eternity.
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[22 Dec 2004|02:36pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Lostprophets :: Last Summer |
] |
( here goes... )
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[20 Dec 2004|01:05pm] |
new LJ = alternateescape
add me...i've added some of you, others that would like to be added, just let me know, and i'll do it.
this one is pretty much done
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| WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW |
[12 Dec 2004|10:27am] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
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music |
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Avril Lavigne :: Losing Grip |
] |
So.....
Things feel so christmasy right now.
I came home from work last night, walked in my house, and I was immediately hit with the smell of a christmas tree...that piney scent. It was definitely awesome.
I woke up this morning to find almost 3 inches of snow mounting up outside. It's so pretty, I think I'm going to go snag my digital camera in awhile.
Every day my wallet is getting lighter, from spending so much on christmas presents. I think I've spent somewhere between $120 and $150. I love it. I'm usually such a cheap-ass that I don't even spend $50 this year...either because I don't have the money, or because I just don't want to spend it. This year, I'm buying the best gifts I can for everyone.
So far, I've got gifts for :: My mom, dad, sister brother, Aunt Pat, Aunt Mary Lou, Aunt Marlene, Sally, Brendan & Matthew, american Dave, Greg, Grandma, Becky, and Amanda. I still have to buy for :: Uncle Tom, Uncle Lloyd, Uncle Buzz, and british Dave. And possibly some other friends. I've got cards for most...but yeah. In the end, I might have a little money left for myself, but who cares. It's the season of giving, right??? I have $64 left in my wallet...I have $36 or so coming in my paycheck tomorrow...That gives me $100 to finish my shopping. I think I'm going to be very nice with the rest of my gifts. Just 'cause I can. I feel so....good about myself right now.
I even cleaned my room yesterday. I'm hiding my little sister's present in the corner of my room. It's alive. And it kept me up last night. But that's okay...because I want it to be a secret until her birthday which is in 10 days.
Today I'm considering helping decorating the christmas tree. The little cinnamon stick things that make it smell even better....mmmm. I lit a candle last night, and it made my room smell so pretty. It burned out right when I was going to bed...it made me happy. ish?
It's still snowing out there. Derek and I are hoping for a snow day right now, so we can finish our creative writing short stories. tee hee.
I think I might go watch Aladdin...or maybe the Little Mermaid. This time of year always sparks a Disney movie interest in me. :-)
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| Broken Inside |
[10 Dec 2004|06:14pm] |
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mood |
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 EXCITED<---see that?! YEAH! |
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music |
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Avril Lavigne :: Nobody's Home |
] |
livejournals are a joke---i just decided.
+ livejournals were created as an outlet for people to just say what's on their mind. if you cannot say what is on your mind without people critisizing you, then it just makes your problems worse. anonymous comments from people who most likely HAVE a username, but don't want you to know who they are...those are just stupid. quoting Thumper from Bambi "if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all" if you are going to comment in someone's livejournal, wether its nice or mean, don't be a pansy and hide your identity. seriously....how fourth grade is that?!?! ESPECIALLY, if it's a bitchy comment about how someone's entry is bitching. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING BITCH IN YOUR LIVEJOURNAL!!!!!! If you don't want to read about someone's bitching, then why the hell do you read their journal???? If you really hate someone and their bitching so much, why do you waste your time reading AND THEN thinking up a witty smart-ass comment. Give me a break, man. If you don't want to hear it, don't subject yourself to it. It's as simple as that. I don't ask ANYONE to read it. It's America. Free Will. I'm going to bitch and complain all I want, and you can't stop me!!! If I'm having a good day, it will be a happy entry. If I'm having a sad day, it will be a sad entry. If I'm having an ishy day, it will be an ishy entry. You, as a reader, just have to face that fact that noone's life is perfect, noone is going to have a good day every day...and you're just going to have to accept the fact that a livejournal is going to be used to vent and release emotions. It's just how the world turns!!
Bottom Line:::::If you don't want to hear it, then why are you reading this?
Damn.
Now that I've got THAT [bitching] out of my system, I am going to go have fun. I'm going to wait for Mel to give me a ring, and I am going to go to Eko, have a kick ass time with Mel and Dan and whoever the else goes, see Fear of Flying and whoever else is playing. AND JUST HAVE EFFING FUN!!!! You just try and stop me. :-)
I always said that Friday at school seems like a completely separate day from Friday evening/night. School Friday faded with the sun. Friday night is only beginning. I'm out of here.
Love.
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[10 Dec 2004|12:39pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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Christina Aguliera :: Genie in a Bottle |
] |
So I don't come off of as the whiney, ego-centric bitch you think i am...this is how my day is going.....
i got to do tae-bo in first hour.
i got 87th percentile (181 pts) on the PSAT.
i got an 85 on my physics quiz.
i have plans with mel to go to eko tonight.
i don't have anything else to say about today.
i'm happy, see? i'm fucking happy as a clam.
see me smile? good, because I've never been happier in my entire life.
and I'm crossing my fingers and lieing through my effing teeth.
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[09 Dec 2004|03:03pm] |
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mood |
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 a little tired |
] |
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music |
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Coheed & Cambria :: A Favor House Atlantic |
] |
today was just fine.
nothing too extraordinary.
i didn't sleep through any classes, though...and i understand physics, which is amazing. i think i did okay on my econ quiz, and i'm only a little confused with trig.
i had a minor anxiety attack in fifth hour....that shit that's going on across the road at the nursing home sorta freaked me out, especially when my mom told me that my sister's girl scout troop was over there monday night. i started wigging out, but then i realized my sister wasn't there because she had an orchestra concert. but i was too freaked out by that point and i didn't calm down until partway through sixth hour. so yeah. that was the most exciting thing of the day....
sesame street is on--gonna go watch.
and i totally just stared down a fat squirrel...i wonder if it was chester........
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| stolen from keara |
[08 Dec 2004|08:35pm] |
stoled from keara
Leave me an anonymous comment with:
One secret.
One compliment.
One love note.
Lyrics to a song.
How old you are.
How long we've been friends.
And a hint to who you are.
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[08 Dec 2004|08:27pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
] |
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music |
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Ambulance LTD :: Primitive |
] |
i went shopping for a really long time today after school and after amanda's house. it really helped relieve some tension. amol called on my way there looking for someone to have dinner with, then nick called while i was at the mall and we discussed the dildo's in spencer's gifts. tee hee.
things are going okay. i'm a bit confused after some of today's after-school goings-ons. but yeh, whatever....
all's well that ends well.
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| stolen from barnes :-X |
[07 Dec 2004|01:12pm] |
>I WANT: to get out of work tonight
>I HAVE: acid reflux disease
>I AM: bored and exhausted
>I REGRET: eating that kit-kat last hour
>I FEAR: throwing up
>I WISH: things were still good between eddie and i
>I MISS: him
>I HEAR: a printer whirring
>I SEARCH FOR: strength
LAST TIME YOU...
>REALLY SMILED: last night at the library w/ amanda...funny things happened
>CRIED: almost every day last week
>BOUGHT SOMETHING: at lunch i bought some chocolate
>GOT HAMMERED: never
>HAD A DREAM?: in 2nd hour...something about soccer, i think
>LAST THING YOU READ: last year's litmag in 3rd hour
>LAST MOVIE YOU SAW ON THE BIG SCREEN: bridget jones' diary, i think?
>LAST PHONE NUMBER YOU CALLED: tim's...whatever that may be
>LAST SONG YOU HEARD: i don't remember
>LAST THING YOU ATE: kit-kat
DO YOU...
>SMOKE?: no
>DO DRUGS?: no
>HAVE A CRUSH?: yea, kinda
>HAVE A BOYFRIEND: no
>HAVE A DREAM THAT KEEPS COMING BACK?: yes---it sucks...i don't want to have those sweetdreams anymore, because they're so unreal
>HAVE YOU ANY GAY, BISEXUAL OR LESBIAN FRIENDS?: yep
>BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?: yes
>BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE TO REMAIN FAITHFUL FOREVER?: yes
>BELIEVE IN ALLAH: who?
>HAVE ANY SECRETS?: mm yes
>HAVE ANY PETS?: yes, a dog
>GO TO OR PLAN TO GO TO UNIVERSITY?: yes-plan to
> PIERCINGS: ears
>HAVE ANY TATTOOS?: no
>HAVE A BEST FRIEND?: yes, amanda rink
>HATE ANYBODY?: hate is a strong word
>CARE ABOUT LOOKS?: not 100%
>TRUST OTHERS EASILY: not really
>LIKE SARCASM: yes, noooooooo
>TAKE WALKS IN THE RAIN: yes...i miss keara :-(
>SING IN THE SHOWER: yes
>HAVE ANY SCARS: yes
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| Each day gets more and more like the last day |
[07 Dec 2004|10:57am] |
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mood |
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mellow |
] |
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music |
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The Used :: The Taste of Ink |
] |
I'm in the library at lunch right now. I went to get food, realized I didn't have my card, so I went to sit down. I wasn't there for long...I just couldn't stand listening to people talk about how much their life sucks and how noone cares about them...because it's definitely not true. It's so fucking horrible to hear people say that...I say it sometimes, but I don't say that noone cares (especially not the ones that i know do) and I don't say that my life sucks. I may say that things aren't going too well (like right this second), but I'm DEFINITELY not saying my life sucks. I am so freaking fortunate to have been given the opportunities and liberties that I have in my life right now. Listening to my friends who I love to death, listening to them asy how much people don't care...it's bullshit. What is it? A cry for attention? A cry for help? What is it, guys?!?! Do you need help?? If so, why not tell me? Why not be more obvious, and open about it? It may be hard, if you have problems, but nothing is going to be solved by whining about it? Don't get me wrong, I'm not just placing blame or anything on you guys, I do just the same...
Maybe this entry is mostly for my own sake. My own cry for help. I don't need help, but everyone does need a shoulder to cry on somedays. If you need a shoulder as well, I am here. I don't even expect you to be there for me, but if you do need help...I am here. You can tell me if somethign is wrong...I would do the same with you.
This LiveJournal, here...even if it is a ton of bitching and complaining, even if it is depressing, even if it's pointless. It is my outlet. It doesn't matter if noone reads it. You're reading this at your own will, maybe because you're curious, maybe because you care, maybe just for the hell of it. I'm writing this, why? Because it is my outlet. It is my way to step back into reality and let it all go. It is my way of releasing all of the tension and anger and sadness and frustration...releasing it and getting it out. It is my outlet into reality. It's what's been getting me by since last March.
Frankly, I'd probably be fucked without it.
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| It just doesn't seem that easy |
[06 Dec 2004|02:55pm] |
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mood |
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fine |
] |
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music |
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Lostprophets :: I Don't Know |
] |
So between my last post and right now (3:19 PM) I got to feeling alot better. The car ride to my game last night really helped, I think. First off, I was listening to Lostprophets which always seems to help, and secondly, I just had a really nice talk with my mom. I've been needing to get alot of things off of my chest to her, and I did. I told her alot...about my corrupt friends, about how they call me at insane hours of the morning...and she gave me some advice to help myself deal with it. It really set me at ease. So by the time I got to my game, I was feeling pretty good. We had an okay game...last 4-3, I think. I got a sweet-ass header goal...really random, shouldn't have happened...their goalie kinda slipped up a bit. I was the last one off the field as always, and the team playing next asked if anyone wanted to play. Of course I volunteered...since I needed the work, and since they had no subs. It was one hell of a work-out, playing against the first place team and such. I enjoyed it alot. Got home from there around 11...went on the computer for 2 seconds and then showered. First time I've taken a shower at night in a long time, and it really felt very good. Layed in bed for an hour or so before deciding to fall asleep.
I must have woke up and turned off my alarm this morning, and so must have my mom, because I got woke up at 6:55 this morning...Kyle picks me up for school at 7. I have never got ready for school so fast. I was downstairs, shoes on, everything by 6:59 haha. awesomeness. turned out my mom had already called kyle to tell him that she'd be driving me...so it was a waste of my rushing. i could have taken my time. but that was okay, because i got on the computer and i saw a comment in my LJ that cheered me up a bit. so all was well. did the cover page for our project when i got to school, then sorta just slept on the gymnastics mat first hour. slept through 2 presentations 2nd hour, then got up and did mine...sort of. lol. had a weird lesson in creative writing, lunch was the same old stuff....i honeslty don't remember much of it. 4th hour we watched "roger and me". I'm not a very big fan of michael moore. Some of his points i agree with, but most of them he takes too far. If one was to look up "extremist" in the dictionary, his name would be used in the example sentence, and everyone would know what the word meant. 5th hour we had a sub so i just sat and surfed the web...trying to find my cousin or something, ergh. 6th hour just laughed at the ridiculousness of mrs. ennis......"oh no!" amanda cracks me up...because of the gap tee hee.
amol gave me a ride home after school, and I've just been sitting here thinking about stuff and listening to lostprophets. heck yesss
the van that always brings our paper just drove by, and it's missing half of its front paneling...goofy-looking.
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[05 Dec 2004|05:57pm] |
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mood |
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 hurting |
] |
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music |
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Motley Crue :: Smokin' In the Boys Room |
] |
i'm in the shittiest mood right now.
i worked all evening last night, wound up doing absolutely nothing that i wanted to do. i got at least a dozen phone calls from people i wasn't in the mood to talk to. i fell asleep watching frequency, but my goddamn phone wouldn't stop ringing. i couldnt turn it off--it was my alarm clock. i got a call from amol and tejas at 3...wanting me to sneak out and i hang out with them. i went off like no other, i was bitching them out so bad. i hung up and started crying and i felt so sick because i was so tired and so fed up and so mad and so tired. i'm so fucking sick of people and their inconsiderateness...it's honestly driving me crazy.
i woke up this morning at 8:30, showered, and went to work. amanda called-so i ened up stuck there until 4. my mom picked me up and we went to royal oak to incognito and paris. i got some cute shoes for xmas. came home.
i'm just in this mood. god, i hate it. i want to talk to him, but i feel like i need an excuse to...but i don't have one. i want to be happy right now. i want to be carefree. i want to watch a chick flick. i want to play cards. i want to go jewelry shopping. i want to be warm. i want it to snow-and still be warm. i want a puppy--i had one in my dream last night. i want people to stop calling me. i want to be alone. i want to be with someone. i want to be happy. i want-i want. i want to stop being such a bitch. i want to stop being so cold-hearted. i hate the person i am right now. i need someone to talk to. but i have noone.
at work today, this little boy was sitting in the foyer for probably 30 minutes just banging his head on the wall, screaming and crying and screaming and crying for the longest time. he was mad about something, but he just kept banging and banging and banging and i know it had to hurt. and i wanted to do the same thing...i just wanted to bang my head on the wall a million thousand times just to make the other pains go away. i wanted to vent like him. just yell at the top of my lungs and just pound and pound and pound. i wanted to sit on the floor and join him. but i couldnt cause i had to work.
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| i just saw ashlee simpson make an ass out of herself on that rerun of SNL |
[05 Dec 2004|12:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Derek singing/typing Ray Charles to me |
] |
so...last night was pretty fun.
amanda picked me up--walked into little caesars in my hoochie outfit and the guy in there was hot with two t's
went back to amanda's--monica showed up, we did make-up, jackie showed up, we ate food
stopped at my house--forgot my ID arghh
parking lot at school--drove up and first person i saw was eddie. aggravated me because it put me in a bad mood thinking about things. i couldnt let that ruin my night. but i got worried because of things that happened afterwards. walked up to school-monica forgot ticket-walked back to car-walked back up to school.
dance--was fun-after i stopped being a depressed ass. "screw guys tonight, i just wanna dance". hung out with amol quite a bit. that made me happy, i miss hanging out wtih amol. milo asked me to be in his comic. yay. i bet i won't have big boobs like amanda, though. damnit. left early.
stopped at home--amanda needed a drink, jackie needed socks. we're goofy like that.
bowling--was fun. payed for 1 game since we didn't have much time. was amanda, jackie, monica and i on lane 39. niles, brendan and nick on lane 40. we all suck pretty bad. niles MIGHT have broke 100 but that was the best. brendan ran out after a ball once. what a dumbass. monica kept accidentally almost flashing everyone. she got a strike somehow and nick says "maybe everyone shouldn't wear panties" good times. kisses make me jealous. damn you lovebirds, lol.
came home--went on-line, talked to eddie for a sec, derek for awhile. tim called, talked to him. amol called, talk to him until he got sick of me dozing off and talking in my sleep to him. so i slept.
today was ish
went online around 11:30--talked to kait. made plans
got picked up by kait--we went over to royal oak and had a good time shopping. bought some cute jewelry at incognito. bought something for amanda elsewhere. its awesome, she'll love it.
went back to kait's--went in the basement and started watching hocus pocus. amol called, talked to him. looked at HC pics and that kid ben we used to hang out with when we were little-he's amazingly hot. watched home videos and it was awesome. had fun.
worked--it sucked. hurt my head. got annoyed by my sister and a bunch of other punk-ass kids. it sucked some more.
came home--sat on-line (still doing it). watched some TV (still doing it). talked on the phone with amanda. talked on the phone with niles. talked on the phone with tim. now i'm going to bed.
good night
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| Today should be fun.... |
[03 Dec 2004|05:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Staind :: For You (from sean's LJ..its stuck in my head) |
] |
Today's schedule...
SO FAR--
school. it was boring, but it went by fast. i'm not doing so well in classes. damnit
parking lot. froze my butt off, the usual. got tape stuck to my forehead?
car. we drove nick home. amanda said she didn't know the way. i bet she remembers though. :-P
amanda's house. we didn't watch one life to live. we had to leave. to mall.
mall. sat at A&W. talked on the phone with nick while looking at underwears in flashy stores. stalked a cute boy at hot topic. jackie wanted to do him.
home. i showered, shaved my legs (finally) and now I'm here for no reason.
LATER'S PLANS--
find a way over to amanda's. pizza and all that jazz with amanda, jackie, monica, niles?
dance. i'm going. dunno why. just am. maybe it will be fun? better be. otherwise it'll be a waste of ten dollars.
bowling. i guess we're going bowling or something. i love bowling. so i'm hoping that will be a blast.
afterwards. i do not know. possibly ending up at amanda's. that seems to happen on these types of nights. maybe i'll just come right home. since i have to work tomorrow. rar. but that's okay.
next weekend i want to go ice skating. this time there won't be anyone to hold me back. cause i want to go ice skating, damnit.
all of this tumbling in gym.......i seriously SERIOUSLY wish I hadn't quit gymnastics. my back hurts like a mofo, but i don't even care. it's freaking gymnastics and it rules the world.
tonight better be good. just not gonna get any hopes up. done doing that.
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rootin_tootin's journal